In January 2013, I had just finished a very rough Fall semester at school at BYU-Idaho, in which I was extremely unhappy and sad. The result was a lot of gained weight (on top of the already-heavy me I grew up as). I knew I was heavy, but lied to myself for years thinking, "No, no, I'm not that bad! I'm fine... I should be happy with who I am..." As true as that may be, to be happy with who we are, it was still a falsehood that I was "fine".
When I got home for my 4 month Winter 2013 off-track from BYU-I, I went to the doctor for a check up. I did routine blood work and whatever and went back in when the results come back. Then, the doctor told me something that kind of shook my 21-year-old self. She told me that my "bad" cholesterol was a tad too high. Now, this isn't detrimental or anything. It wasn't even elevated all that high. But, this was just absolutely not okay with me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Finally, I realized that I truly was not "fine" and that it was time to put those "please, help me lose weight..." prayers I'd been saying for years into action. I realized that in that very moment, I had to make a choice of what road I was going to go down. Continue to raise my bad cholesterol, or fix this. For good. I mustered up the courage to tell the doctor my concerns about my weight. It was extremely hard for me to do; I felt embarrassed; I was uncomfortable with myself. But, I asked.
After simply and sheepishly stating, "Um. I'm concerned about my weight..." she immediately recommended I go on an extremely strict diet and listed all these things I should stay away from. And so I did. That's where I started. And strict this diet most certainly was. But, I wanted to fix myself, so motivation was not hard to find. I just did it without any sort of coaxing and motivation needed.
The diet, you may ask? I'll break it down:
- No dairy, except cottage cheese (eggs are acceptable, as is greek yogurt)
- No breads, pastas, carbs, crackers, etc (oatmeal was acceptable, but not the instant stuff. good 'ol homemade.)
- No sugar (aside from like, natural sugar in fruits.)
- No extra dressings/mayo/etc (like, no cream based anything. Ranch is out. Thousand Island, out. Etc.)
- Increased vegetables and fruits
- Increased lean protein (chicken, fish, turkey...)
It's sort of like Atkins, I guess. Now, you may ask, "What the heck did you even eat...?" Well. A lot of chicken and vegetables. Fish. A lot of cottage cheese. Oatmeal. Apples. Green smoothies. Stir Fry. Eggs. Rice cakes. Avocados. You get the idea.
And so I ate like that for 3 months. And calorie counted like crazy. I downloaded the app called Lose It! and logged every single thing I ate. Highly recommend that app, by the way. I still use it from time to time when I need to get back on track. It's also tracked all of my pounds I've lost on a chart. Way cool. Here's my profile if you're interested: https://www.loseit.com/#Community:Profile!id=4109513
So, yeah, I logged everything. And started to document my progress. The hardest thing I did was take that "before" picture that everyone's seen. I felt so awful. But, I had a hope that one day things would be different and I wouldn't look like the "before" me anymore. So I bit the bullet and took that first picture. (And, of course, I'm so glad I did.) Here is it:
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Along with the diet, I decided I wanted to start running. I had dreamed of running my whole life. Long distance, I mean. Exploring my city on foot, running through the great parks and trails around my house. But, I grew up an artist, a musician. Never much of an athlete, aside from playing tennis here and there. I was sedentary. I was a gamer. I spent a lot of time indoors. At my computer. At the piano bench. I never thought that I could become a runner because of the way I grew up. But, I was determined to do it. So, I made a goal to run a 5k. It was January at the time, and I made the goal to run it in March. I researched online how to start to running, where to even start... I came across the app Run Keeper (also a highly recommended app that I use to this day!) and decided to download it. It had a 5k trainer within and I started the program. I started extremely slow. Just walking.
For weeks, I walked. Then, I mustered up the courage to start jogging... a little bit each day. Slowly, but surely, I worked up my endurance. I wasn't a fast runner, but I could run! I could run a mile. Then two. Then three! And even four. I can't explain how. I just did it. It was the start of me realizing just what I was actually capable of in my life. The potential I had in me all along. I always thought there was a runner trapped inside my heavy frame all this time. These were the first pair of real running shoes that I got. I was so excited!
Along with running, I started using an app called Boot Camp Challenge. It was an app that had its own personal trainer and did the workouts along with you. I did one of those every day. I also started doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred dvd. That was extremely effective and definitely worked well. I would sometimes alternate between the two workouts. They left me winded and exhausted, but I pushed through and my endurance grew. My flexibility in my body grew as well. In addition to these exercises, I would spend hours looking for different ideas of on Pinterest for workouts and healthy recipes. I found some great resources for the time, when I still didn't know much of what I was doing. (This board can be found here: https://www.pinterest.com/mrsjawnwatson/health-fitness/) I also found a ton of inspiration. I put some of them on my wall. Here were some things I put up:
I continued to track my progress, and before I knew it, my pictures looked different each week and I had lost 20 lbs in a little over 2 months. I felt awesome! I was shedding points like crazy! I learned all I could about fitness and healthy eating. 20lbs lighter me (this shirt is baggy on me now!):
Just really quick, something I should point out is that I was in a unique situation where I had a ton of time on my hands. I was working at this time, but very much part-time. Because of that, I could spend all my time and energy on exercising and eating right. I was also living at home, so my meals were easily and readily prepared for me and I wasn't paying for my own groceries. It was the ideal situation in starting a weight loss journey. I was spoiled. I had it easy. So, it's easy for me to say, "I did this and this and this and it was no big deal!" Well, of course it was no big deal. I had no stress, no demanding schedule. I just had time. So, understand that.
Anyway. I continued my running and ran my first 5k on March 23, 2013! Funny story, I had badly sprained my ankle 2 weeks before the race... But I ran it anyway! I was determined that nothing was going to stop me! It was an exhilarating day. It was in that moment that I realized I could literally do anything I put my mind to. Anything. If a girl that grew up sedentary could muster up the courage and might to run a 5k, then anyone can do anything. I could do anything. Kaitlyn ran it with me, and I was so grateful! Here's us nearing the finish line (don't mind those watermarks on the photos, haha...):
The next month, I started a new semester at BYU-I, Spring 2013. It was my first semester living my new lifestyle. I continued my Boot Camp and Jillian Michaels workouts, as well as ran as much as I could. I did fairly well, and continued to lose pretty consistently every week. I was still seeing scale results regularly. It was exciting! It was during this semester that I finally made it into "ONE-der-land," meaning my weight was back in the 100s. THAT was a cool moment for me, as I probably hadn't weighed under 200 lbs since at least 11th grade. It gave me the push forward to keep going. Here's the progress photo for around that time, finally out of the 200s:
In the next semester, I still continued my regiments of running and video workouts, as well as continuing to eat healthy. I cooked a LOT. I bought zucchini and yellow squash and spaghetti squash every week and was always making some sort of stir fry. I always had apples and bananas and oranges. I worked bread back into my diet at this point, whole grain stuff. I didn't eat much of it, but I still had it around. I was just consistently conscious of what I was putting into my body. I was called a "health nut" and whatever else by others around me for how much I cooked and ate healthy. Ah, well, if a "health nut" is someone that cares about living healthy, then yeah, that's what I am. I'm okay with that! Mmm yummy meals:
New Years came and I was feeling great. I was down about 50lbs now. Then, I started my new Winter 2014 semester where I tried some new things! I was tired of my other workouts and was searching for something new. I wanted to start incorporating weights, but didn't really know how to do that or where to start. I had also plateaued big time. I was stuck at the same weight for a long, long time and was really frustrated. The smaller you get, the harder it is to lose weight. But, then I discovered T-25 from my friend, Tony, who had been doing it and had great results! So I thought, why not? It incorporates weights! And so I started T-25 in January 2014, and yeah. It worked. I shedded some more pounds and was getting past my plateau. It was awesome. I was getting lean, too! T-25 was great, but it has it's downfall. It shocks the body because it works you so intensely, so the second you stop doing the regiment, you gain back the weight you lost, slowly, but surely. It gets results! But only if you keep doing it forever... I still like T-25, though, it works you good! And it was nice to do workouts inside since it was winter in Rexburg, which means stay inside stay inside stay inside, and for the love of everything good and holy, stay inside. This is what I started looking like after T-25. I was at my lowest number weight ever during this time:
It was also around this time that I decided to give Paleo a shot. I had read about it and thought, dude, this is amazing! It was basically the way I was already eating, but just without the bread and dairy (not that I was eating much of this anyway). I researched like mad about Paleo (and, of course, made a pinterest board for it, found here: https://www.pinterest.com/mrsjawnwatson/paleo/) and found recipe after recipe. I decided to give it a shot! I started it the next semester. I went shopping at Winco and bought everything every good paleo pantry needs: Coconut oil, almond flour, coconut flour, nuts, seeds, raw sugar, almond butter, etc. And so I did Paleo for a few months. It was pretty amazing, I cooked a lot of new recipes and actually really loved doing it! And, yeah, I lost more weight. I leaned out a bit more. But, my body took a long time to adjust to the change of diet. And it was a little hard finding substitutes all the time. And it was expensive. But, I still enjoy the Paleo diet! During the Paleo diet, I also utilized Bountiful Basket! Much cheaper for all the veggies and fruits I was eating (produce in Rexburg is not awesome).
I had thought that T-25 and Paleo were the "answer" for a while. That there was one, ultimate way of losing weight, and this was it. Yup, I had found the golden ticket of weight-loss. Hahaha. Well. I had a lot to learn.
So, that Spring 2014 semester, I just continued to run and do T-25 and whatnot. And I was mostly maintaining. But, I was extremely hard on myself at this time. I was extremely strict. I had to be perfect. I could not slip up. I could not give in to a craving and eat a chocolate chip cookie. I could NOT step out of line, in anything in my life, not even just diet related. I kept myself in this box, and the box kept me safe. I didn't have to worry about messing up, because I never gave myself the opportunity of doing so. I was constantly in a state of fear about gaining all my weight back. It was a constant burden on my mind. I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I assumed that eating one bad thing would lead me down a road of complete weight-gain. I was not very mentally healthy, despite my physical health. I didn't really have a social life. I put all my energy into school. I was lonely, sad, and frustrated that I was still in college. This wasn't a place I wanted to be.
I started realizing that, yeah, I'm fixing myself physically, but what am I doing to myself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually? I realized this journey I was on was not just to "get skinny". It was much, much more. I started working on every part of myself.
Long story short, I started fixing all of me. I increased prayer and scripture study. I got close to the Lord. I utilized the Atonement much more than I previously was, finally realizing it is for all of my infirmities, including what I was going through. Why do I mention this as part of my weight-loss journey? Because it's probably the most important part, as well. I'll get to that later.
Moving forward, it's Summer 2014 now! I am home in Texas for a 7 week break. It was a fantastic, much-needed break full of amazing memories and self-discovery. Work out wise, I discovered a few more online videos to do, continuing on with T-25. I sort of split up my days of upper body and lower body, and ran every night. I also spent a ton of time in the woods, exploring trails and creeks. I basically spent that summer outdoors, with a lot of self-reflection time in those woods. I would run through them and do interval training. I loved being outdoors. Just from being active and drinking a lot of green smoothies, I started losing a little more weight, still being very much stuck in my plateau. But, I was determined to break through it. I started gaining a little bit of muscle:
I knew that all the cardio could only get me so far, though. I still felt like I wanted to start some sort of weights routine, but still didn't have a clue where to start. I just continued with my hand-weight exercises, not knowing what else to do. It worked a bit, though. A bit.
And moving on again, and it's Fall 2014 at BYU-I. I had been thinking, "Okay. I am going to utilize the gym here as much as I can and finally figure out this weights thing..." I started researching online a lot in trying to figure out where to even START. I just had no idea. I just wanted something I could build upon. Not a short-term program, not a workout dvd. Something I could start and continue on the rest of my life in my healthy lifestyle. In my research, I came across a program called Strong Lifts. It seemed great and something I could do long-term, just like I wanted. It also seemed like something a novice, like me, could manage, seeing as I had no idea what I was doing. It took me a while to even start using it, though, because I was scared. I had never really lifted before. I didn't know how, really. I had done a few things with T-25, but not real, heavy lifting.
Well. I continued to do my research, and one day, in early October, I just went for it. I started. Having not used an Olympic bar since middle school (and having a bad experience at that), I was hesitant to walk over to that part of the gym. I probably looked really lost and confused, haha. But, I just went for it. I did my first squat with an empty bar (and it sure was heavy). This was on my very first day of going weight training:
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And that set off to where I am today. 7 months later, I am still lifting. I've made a lot of mistakes along the way, having bad form, not doing the lifts correctly, etc. It's been a huge, huge learning experience. But, with a ton of help from my friend, Michelle, I've progressed and learned a LOT. She's helped me find new lifting programs (currently doing Ice Cream 5x5), keeps me in check with how I am executing my lifts, and motivates me big time!
I've come to really love lifting. I have gained a lot of muscle and have been leaning out my middle just like I've been trying to. It really is true that cardio can only get you so far (mostly just to calorie burn) and then weight training will help you go the distance. I'm getting strong and am liking what my body is becoming. I still run, too, because I love it and it's therapeutic for me. I exercise 3 days a week, running in the morning and doing my lifting after that. I do the whole body each of the 3 days, which is why I don't exercise every single day. It's really nice having off-days, my body definitely needs the break. I finally found something that works for me that I love. Weight lifting really pushes and challenges you. It's exciting to increase your strength. It's a total mental game, too. You have to make your mind believe you can do it, even if you're doubting yourself when you go up for a lift.
Diet wise right now, I just watch portions and such. I just eat healthy by default now anyway. I always have fresh produce (I now use Provident Produce! It's amazing!) I have to eat a bit more on days I lift to sustain myself through my workouts. I eat protein bars before my lifting (after my run) and use protein protein powder (whey isolate) afterwards, sometimes just with almond milk, but sometimes in a green smoothie. Basically, my food revolves around my workouts. But, I definitely splurge way too much sometimes, haha. :)
What's really remarkable is how much weight training has changed my body. It's literally a different shape. I am the same weight I was a year ago, almost to a T, but I'm much, much thinner and trimmer. Thus, number weight doesn't mean a thing to me. It's the way I feel and look in my clothes. Now, my upper body is larger and clothes fit tighter in the arms, but are baggy at my waist. It's the same with my pants. They are tight in the thighs due to muscle, but are big in the waist. It's totally worth it when you see your stomach shedding, though. Here's a few progress pictures that are actually a little outdated now (from early April), but relevant nonetheless:
Lots of leg muscle!
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Big kid muscles coming in! Huge difference from before.
My profile is completely different now, too. The first picture is my very first "before" picture.
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And this is where I'm at right now. This is where the journey is currently being written.
I'd like to give general principles that I've learned the last two years of this. Some may have already been mentioned throughout this post, some not. Here we go:
- A weight-loss journey is not a "10 week eating plan". It is not a diet. It is not a "get rid of belly fat" regiment. It is a life-long, life-changing journey. It is to change your very nature. Your habits, your attitudes, your life. For some of us (like me), it may never stop.
- It is the every day, constant decisions you make for yourself that are what is important. They add up. It's choosing whole grain over white, it's choosing the the oil based salad dressing, not the cream, it's choosing to have just a bite of dessert, not an entire pie, etc. (Sometimes, though, an entire pie is needed. Hahaha. But, I digress.)
- You must, must, must be patient with yourself and the process. It doesn't happen over night. It will take time.
- You must be resilient. You're going to have slip ups and days that you are just so done and do not want to eat healthy or workout. That's fine. We all have those days. But, do not let those days destroy you. Don't let it stop you completely. Understand that you will have setbacks and bad days. But, have the resilience to get up, brush off, and try again the next day. That goes along with patient: being patient with yourself.
- Understanding calories is important. To lose weight, you need to burn more calories than you consume. Understand the science behind it. It's important. Seriously, do research. Understanding how your body works is half the battle.
- Every single person's body is different. Do not compare yourself. You will destroy yourself if you do. Understand that your friend's body may carry its weight different, may lose weight quicker or slower, may respond differently to things you do. Understand your body type. Understand that you will never look like a thin super model if your body is literally just not made that way. There are different body types and different metabolisms. And that's OKAY! So, don't freak out if you think your thighs are huge. Chances are, you've got some killer muscle in there. Do not, do not, do not compare. Just love who you are.
- Do not let the world tell you what your body should look like. They're all idiots.
- Self-control is an acquired skill. It is a mental effort. Self-mastery is probably the most sought after character trait in human history. Self-mastery means you have control over yourself and your desires. That's a part of a weight-loss journey. You need self-control to say no, to serve yourself less, to choose better.
- It's supposed to be hard. Anything worth having is hard. So, if you feel like it's too hard, that's your cue to try harder and be more diligent.
- You have to be honest with yourself. If you know that you just ate way too many cookies and way too much ice cream, just admit it, acknowledge it was probably not the best choice, and move on and try again tomorrow. There is always tomorrow. Do not lie to yourself, however, and go, "No, no, I'm fine I didn't eat that many cookies..." when you actually really did. Just own up to it and realize that you're human. And eat less cookies next time. Haha.
- It's okay to treat yourself. One bad meal won't make you fat just like one good meal won't make you immediately skinny. It's just making sure you have consistency overall in your healthy eating. A dessert once in a while isn't a sin. Don't stop yourself from treating yourself. Just have moderation.
- Moderation in all things! I'm a huge believer in this. Some people (like me, previously) thought that some foods are completely, 100% going to kill you and are evil, so never eat them. Like bread. I didn't eat bread for almost a whole year because of that mindset. Well. No, just have moderation in all things. Eat just a little of everything, and you'll be fine.
- You have to want it. You have to want it. You will make time for it if you want it. You have to make time for it, too. You have to try. You have to be willing to work.
- You learn a lot about yourself. You understand what you're capable of. You realize that you really can do anything you set your mind to. So set your mind to it!
- You are never "too far gone". That's a lie.
- Don't be obsessed with the scale. It's fun to see the pounds shed super fast in the beginning when you're getting rid of water weight, but that will slow down. Don't freak out that the first week you lost 5lbs and the next you only loose 1. Just keep going, doing what you're doing. Don't obsess over numbers. It's the way your clothes fit that you should pay attention to.
Now, it's really odd to think that I was anything else that I am now. I feel like I've always been a runner, a lifter, an active, determined person. My entire nature and state of being has changed. And I know, I know, I know I did not do this on my own (even though I actually physically did do all of this by myself). You know what really made all of this possible? My Savior, Jesus Christ. Believe what you want, I don't care. I'm just telling you what I know. And what I know is that His infinite Atonement is what changed my very nature, what changed my mind and my life. Ever feel like sometimes things "just happen" and you don't really know how, but they just did and you somehow had the strength for it all? Yeah, that's the Atonement working in your life, and that's how it worked for me. I'm different because of Him. I'm proof that you can literally change everything about yourself. Yes, sometimes old me struggles to come through again. And I have huge set backs. Oh, let me tell you, I've had some pretty substantial and extremely frustrating set backs that have spun me out of control and into depressions. But, at the end of the day, I never give up hope and I never stop trying. I pray for strength, and I receive it.
So, whenever people ask me the question, "How did you do it?" I really want to answer, "The Atonement." And, a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot of hard work. Seriously. Sweat and tears.
This journey is something I will have to deal with the rest of my life. I firmly believe this is the life-long trial I was given in my life to deal with (rather, to overcome). For my body, the second I stop working out or eating right, I gain again. Immediately. It will most likely be like that for all who grow up heavy. You have to work hard every day of your life. It's a constant effort. And it sucks sometimes. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.
As you can clearly see, I've learned a whole dang long from this whole experience, and I continue to learn on a daily basis. The journey never ends. You don't just reach your "goal weight" and you're done. You always work. You. Always. Work.
So, there you have it. This is the ultimate answer to, "How did you do it?" I think that question should be rephrased to, "How are you doing it?" Because I'm always doing it. I hope this was helpful to you all. Thank you so much for all the support you've all given me. It's really amazing.
Good luck to those of you shaping and creating your own journeys, no matter what they may be.
Peace.
